Thursday, November 23, 2006

in honor of today being thanksgiving i present to you.. THE TALE OF THE ITIS as told to donwill its a book im working on about thanksgiving and the origins of the ITIS. here are a few exerpts.

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CHAPTER 1 - SMALL POX SLEEPOVER



when the pilgrims went on their initial land raping, small pox blanketing cruise they planned to have a large feast upon landing. in gaining trust of the redman (not to be confused with the funk doctor spock) they invited them to dinner where these red men would give thanks for the many blankets and diseases given to them. although african in its origins and having been around for several years prior to the date, this dinner was where the first reported case of "the itis" took place.


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CHAPTER 199 - WHITE MAN OWNS THE WHITE MEAT



as the years passed and the white man grew more accustomed to the sufferers of the itis he quarantined them off to various reservations and projects. but he had bigger plans in mind. the white man set forth to do what he does best, steal. thats right. white men felt entitlement to the ITIS because well they think they own everything anyway. why not own the ITIS too. and use it. for EVIL! Harvard instituted its ITIS (Instant Tongue Induced Sleep) Study program and white men from around the world began researching ways to keep the black man fat, lazy, full and sleep. they didnt have to worry about the red man, they were all drunk and gambling thanks to the reservations they built.

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CHAPTER 341 - UNSHEATHING THE MYSTERY BEHIND THE MYTHICAL ITIS COMPOUND

Yes there are missle silos underground in nebraska, yes there are alien hangars in nevada and yes the mythical Instant Tongue Induced Sleep Institute exists. I had the chance to sit with agent Mucillini Piraxis (that is an assumed name, he said if he gave his real name he would be subject to death by morbid obesity) and he shed light on a few topics.



MCDAYJOB - how long have you been with I.T.I.S.

MP - i took up residency at the I.T.I.S. instute in 1926. we mainly studied the effects of ribs on black people. chicken too. shockingly enough we never drew the connection to black turkey itis until 1978. Our first black agent came on board that year and invited one of our white agents over for thanksgiving. There he witnessed the first case of turkey induced itis on black men and from there we shifted gears....



MCDAYJOB - what of the rumors regarding sauces and their affect on the itis?

MP - a direct corelation between sauces and the ITIS definitely exists. i mean you dont get the itis from the meat, you get it from the sauce. the meat definitely plays a part but coupled with various sauces and marinades meat can cause INSTANT sleep. we were successfull in making black people adopt hot sauce as their own, they even are claiming bbq sauce. we have made great strides in the past decades. now if we can only sell them on mayonaise....



MCDAYJOB - the future of I.T.I.S.?

MP - the next step, biological itis warfare. imagine instead of the volatile agent orange, the peaceful agent itis. lulling its victims into a deep coma like sleep. think of the possiblities! for now we are marketing our sleep solution ITIS eyedrops. what started off as a simple study in destroying the minority community has definitely made positive strides in the areas of sleep research.

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CHAPTER 578 - THE SOUND OF ITIS



in the recent years there have been several plots to kill the black man with his own foods. the most unknown is the ku klux klan funded pop group '-ITIS'. they werent really big on advertising until the myspace explosion and most of thier songs are heard in various subdued social settings. ever been in a hotel lobby zoining out to the sweet sounds of the muzak and find yourself drifting to sleep? chances are that was the itis playin in the background. any song you hear in a restaraunt is a cover, done cleverly to sound just like the original by thats right the itis. they only began advertising to inform their white brethern to not listen and let the blacks hear the sleep inducing soul crushing sounds...

3 comments:

vash...thee lvvr said...

ur upgraded randomness as exceeded mine.

& said...

How many chapters? And will there be one one the affects of alcohol in combination with said I.T.I.S?

filthy said...

i just choked on turkey.

no homo?