Monday, October 30, 2006

Cross country condiment hating


For those that know me, they know I like my food dry. Sandwiches, salads, etc. Well not really dry because I enjoy the foods natural juices but its those crazy artificial additives I have a problem with.That's right yall, I'm a full blown condiment phobe and a slight texture freak. A lot of yall are prolly like what does that mean? Lemme explain

-Ketchup = gross, it stinks
-Mustard = worse, looks gritty
-Mayo/miraclewhip = the pennultimate of disgusto
-Pasta salads = they are congealed by something, and whatever thatsubstance my be it compromises the integrity of that food item. Illpass. (Macoroni is good tho)
-A1 sauce = actually not bad, but still no.
-salad dressing = I can deal with a nice vinegrette but all that othershit, UGH!

-relish = seriously? No serious, I'm supposed to eat some chewed uplookin pickles? Lol riiight
-applesauce = again, chewed up apples? Ew
-mashed potatoes = no, never, not, blech

i mean i could go on for days with the textures but it all boils down to the fact that i am not a gerber baby and im YEARS (godwillin) away from puree so i dont want nothing that i dont need to chew on my plate.

yes these both superceed the taste of said item, and yes its very weird. imagine cooking for me, you probably dont want to lol. that said i cant wait til thanksgiving...

okay yall off to nyc.

((this may double/triple post thanks to the wonderfull ppl over at t-mobile and their SLOOOOOW sidekick email today. if dont mind the extra's ill delete em soon enough))


amp.jones said...

OK, we should start a support group for food phobics like us.

I'll award you single points for the following... the hatred for:


Pasta Salads {incl. deviled eggs}

Most Salad Dressings

Relish {YES! Why eat something that's been chewed up already?}

Apple Sauce

Mush pretty much in general

Now, I take away points for hating:

Mashed potatoes


When these two come together... Magic happens!

Oh, and A1 sauce? What is wrong with you!

And I'll take 1/2 a point off for Ketchup/Catsup... that runny Ketchup pee, as I put it, when you first squirt it is enough to make me toss the whole thing.

Kudos for:
Eating your food naked as I put it, because you're supposed to enjoy original flavors of the food

That'll be all.

One last thing. In the UK they have Mushed peas. YUCK! Bright green... Mush on the side of the plate... right next to the Mashed potatoes. And they call'em mushed peas. That alone makes me ill.

Sandy said...

sigh... if I only knew then... what I know now.