Saturday, September 30, 2006

so tonight is the big night in denver, our first show since chicago (where we officially left the tour) we been in denver havin a pretty relaxing good time and being fairly productive but honestly; i feel like right now we are out of practice. when we was doin shows every night we had kinda got into a groove and hit this rhythm where everything kinda gelled and made sense on stage. there was this intuitive kinda thing happening onstage where we just vibed off of each other and shit was becoming second nature. but we were only like 1.5 weeks in so that has just kinda dissolved. i still think we will kill denver tonight, actually i dont doubt that at all. im just kinda lamenting on the fact that i miss doing shows every night.

actually i think im just kinda having a funky day, i woke up a lil off kilter based on last night (we did a really janky impromptu set to promote the show tonight) and just in general im just kinda aching for my normal creature comforts. not to mention unemployment wants to interview me about my eligiblity on monday morning at about 8am, which will be 5am my time. i talked to my mom for a while and it was like 'you got a new bill, so and so needs x amount of cash, and blah blooh booom' and all im thinking is 'okay i got this much money in the bank and my unemployment is not guaranteed at this point. so im kinda stressin, the fact that initially upon leaving for this tour i found out id be making far less than i calculated coupled with the fact that now i am literally on a financial freeze where anything i make is a handful of dirt in this hole ive dug for myself is kinda stressin me out.

i have never really lived like this so at times it gets a lil bit too much to deal with. im not used to dire straights and i HATE asking for help. i just pray that this whole thing works itself out. cus it seems like it keeps going from good to bad but never the extreme of better to worse. im dwelling, we get paid for tonights show so ill be okay i think...

im happy i got my phone back tho, its winning, its making my sidekick feel like a jilted lover. i got a free shirt yesterday too. real talk im not in a hip hop mood right now tho, i just kinda wanna go to a combination of cincinnati/maryland where i do paid shows every night; that would be eutopia for me. unfortunately im forced with the task of making my current state into something that feels like right.

and i just found out i may have gotten von in trouble by puttin his name in my blog regarding that wack ass grand rapids bikini club. my bad. i guess i just cant win for losing today, see you guys at the show.

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