((I blogged this somewhere else but I kinda feel like it needs to go
here too. Hopefully we can get back to discussing my coworkers and
job tomorrow as I procrastinate and try to escape))
#8 - I think I forgot who I was
You know chasin dreams can be very consuming, so much so that when things finally click you start wondering where the hell the sanity of relaxation went. I'm rambling... And honestly I think that watching walk the line and 2 for the money in one day got to me a little bit. Point being that I feel like between changing cities, changing jobs, and trying to make my dreams and my career into my dream career I've forgotten my facets.
I haven't taken a photograph in months. I haven't drawn a picture in damn near years, I haven't written an article in months. I've neglected a lot in order to beliieve that music is it. I've convinced myself that this has to work because it does, and it will.... But at what cost?
Everything has become mundane. That moment between making and being where hope materializes has settled and the butterflies that once fluttered with anticipation are sitting still at rest.
Maybe this is what it supposed to feel like. Maybe this is what public figures have to shut out when the cameras are on. I wouldn't know. But I do know that I am @ a crossroads and I've stepped past the fork only to gaze upon the alternate route and wonder did I step correctly. Time will tell and although I'm impatient as hell waiting is not an option.
This is probably part cryptic, a little vague and very verbose but its the only way I could say it. I feel like in finding myself I have lost myself and I'm clinging to that void because its what made the search valid.
So ill wake up tomorrow and go to work and pretend to be who I am or maybe who I am not. But the blessing is that ill wake up tomorrow. Say a prayer for me and you...
(This was not fueled by depression, it was fueled by contemplation)