Wednesday, December 20, 2006

so im back in cincinnati for the holidays and i can tell you off top this is gonna be a stressful xmas.

my grandmother has been racked by various cancers. my mom is taking care of her so she is staying here. she was here last time i was in town and her condition has worsened since then (which was roughly 2 weeks ago) and honestly its EXTREMELY hard seeing her like this. my mom and sister nem kinda laugh to keep from crying for the most part but its just really hard on everybody. like i feel like right now its down to the waiting game, i know it sounds morbid but its just the reality and i HATE saying that and i hate coming to grips with that but thats the reality of the situation. she used to talk, my granma would talk her ASS off, now i hear she just kinda sits and zones out...

then my dad is still having his ordeal with cancer. he gotta go for some procedure tomorrow (which my family keeps from me like a big secret cus they dont wanna upset me, so they never tell me how he is doing, he could be in dire straights and they would never mention it to me :/ )and his sister (my aunt) is hospitalized over cancer also (she was recently in a coma and i hear she is in and out of conciousness alot) and HER husbands sister just passed like 2 days ago.

honestly i was bent up over not bein able to get gifts for folks, man gifts is an afterthought. im kinda gonna just play the mood lifter. i never open up like that around my family, i just kinda sit around quiet and watch. i cant do that this year tho i gotta keep the smiles goin. its gonna be draining as HELL cus yall know family is fun for 3 days and by the third you ready to strangle somebody or leave the house for hours on end. not sayin i wont be out kickin it but i will be enjoying them more, taking pictures and just being more personable in general.

and to top it off (starks got ejected) i cant find my other earpiece.

ho ho ho. merry xmas.

ps - the dc job only pays 28k so that means its a dead option, looks like ill be goin to nyc for real now, ill just need to find a place to live.

pps - i saw pursuit of happyness and cried really silently to myself, 3 times. im a man i can admit that i cried. but yeah that shit really, REALLY hit a nerve. in both a good and bad way. i gotta/will get my life right, right now.

1 comment:

Angie said...

Thinking about you & your fam...I've had several members in my family be affected with (& beat it) & a few passed away with that horrible disease, so I def know what you're going through. Just be there for them, let them know how much you love them AND YES, take LOTS of pictures. I saw Pursuit of Happyness also and it really hit home for me, too. GREAT movie.