Thursday, September 28, 2006

Colorado is heaven, so why did i wake up incredibly homesick? i think this is the first time since i left for the tour in general that i have felt this homesick. i dont know what triggered it, all i know is i kinda wish i woulda woke up in my bed in my old ass dumb apartment (that i hated) dreaming that i was gonna go on tour and eperience all of this all over again. then get mad that im not on tour yet and get dressed for work. then get mad that im at work and not on tour and wait to go on tour.

maybe its because since we have left for tour i havent had a moment to just sit down and think about anything, none of this. my reclusive nature is pretty much shot to tell by the fact that im in constant company and that stifles my self reflection time. thats not a bad thing, just a thing. but i think this morningg or in my sleep i meditated on everything going on around me and i kinda just wished i was at home chillin, not miles away from everything i know and am familiar with.

the strangest part is that last night was probably one of the most incredible moments since we been out here on the road. the radio bums record pool was last night and we were invited to be there as a meet and greet. the reception was fantastic i met alot of dj's in the denver scene and it was just dope to see people who genuinely care about your music and can help you further your cause you know. like it was crazy having conversations with people about my record and seeing them look at me as a rapper. denver is dope man, dope as hell and i love it here. i just wish i hadnt drank so much, i mean i aint get drunk as ilyas (LOL) but i had enough to wake up feeling like shit and needing to nurse myself back to health a bit

maybe its cus im kinda broke and still spending on food but still wanting my binges and vices. i just need unemployment to kick in so that i can believe that im getting them checks you know? then i wont feel so tense when im checking my accounts. maybe its cus i woke up feeling so shitty that i began thinking im not going to drink for a few days and just detox. maybe its living out of a suitcase or maybe its quitters remorse with us leavin the tour and all causing us to have long stretches of inactivity.

i dont know what it is, well yes i do but im not gonna talk about it here. ill be okay,prolly within the next 30 minutes, or when my replacement phone gets here at 3pm or when somebody else wakes up so that i am not alone with my thoughts.

have a good day yall, all i want out of life right now is a nice hoodie and a lump sum of money.

No comments: