Wednesday, July 05, 2006

if it aint one thang its a muthafucking nother/word to my granny and my uncle and my mother

so i had the dreaded conversation with my boss and believe it or not it went nothing like i expected it. she was way more excited about the tour than i am (or rather than i let on). she is gonna give me the time off but i just have to hit her with exact dates ASAP, which is where shit gets tricky. why you ask? cus i cant get exact dates from one of the tours, not just one of the tours, the tour that is looming the nearest in the future. so what do i do? i guess you fake it till you make it in a bind like this. i want to have dates to her by friday. scratch that i WILL have dates to her by friday. hook or crook.

we are talking about leave without pay which further complicates things. yeah we get paid for the tour but think about it like this, i have to pay my rent for anytime im on the road upfront. basically i need roughly 1600-2400 dollars to pay on an apartment that i wont even be living in, just 'reserving the space' til i get back to this dayjob rappin lifestyle. honestly that grim realization of it self warrants me to say fuck it and just move back home whenever the first tour starts and inform my job of this decision prior to said move. 1600-2400 is alot of money to 'reserve a space' think about it. i aint got nobody to rent it out to while im gone, i wont be there, and in all honesty i am not trying to come back and work or complain about working. i got roughly 1-2 weeks to think this thing thru. in the mean time imma get some boxes just incase and ready my departure, i think i have already made my mind up.

i dont know yall, i mean this news should be joyous, celebratory even, honestly it kinda pushes me deeper into this lingering abyssmal depression i have been teetering over ever since psuedostardom and conventional career choices collided. its a parasitic kinda delimna, where the raplife needs the reallife money to feed itself but the that is in a sense killing the raplife. yall see what im gettin at? im rambling now, but in a nutshell i should not be this sad abotu being granted leave without pay and going off to make a lil change for doing what i love. its just so many damn unanswered questions for me. the fact that i am mulling this around in my head to myself makes me think that im over thinking this whole scenario and making this harder than it really is.

point blank period it all boils down to: get rid of the apartment, find a really cheap/lenient rooming alternative in dc and keep your job or quit the job and move back to cincinnati, go on tour(s)

***BREAKING NEWS***
oh shit i just remembered i got a 400/month car payment... worst case scenario 3 months = 1200 + 2400 (rent) = 3600 dollars. i dont have anywhere near that kind of money, if i did school loans would have BEEN gettin hollered at. welp i guess that just kinda made my decision for me...

im going on tour... yay?

2 comments:

Angie said...

I feel ya...1. Glad it went well with your boss 2. I can sympathize with your dilema....marinate on it and you should be able to come up with a good solution - good luck with everything!

Damali said...

yay, indeed. I'm beyond happy for y'all...

when you feelin' blue, go listen to Elevators by Outkast.

Me and you...yo mama and yo cousin too....